Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I heard we made out
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Jerry, you need to find god
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
