apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
