I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
