I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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