She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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