Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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