And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
