i permit you to call me
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
