we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
