there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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