In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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