so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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