yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
my poor anus
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
