you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
