I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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