Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
