Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
