I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
