I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
