Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
