I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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