I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize