He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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