SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
third nipple confirmed
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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