Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So apparently I’m into choking now
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