one might say we're banned from that church
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
