Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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