So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
