it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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