and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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