My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize