Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
