I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
