Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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