I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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