Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
