Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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