things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't deserve a penis
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
