Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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