how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
