that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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