i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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