Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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