Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
