Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
