No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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