thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
