All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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