dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you had me at cake vodka
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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