just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
