Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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