I CAN MOONWALK!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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