Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
