found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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