At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I love you.
Bad choice
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
