seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Randomize
