Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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