Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
