can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
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