Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
