I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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