Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
