I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
