You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
