she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
