i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
