new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
