so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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