I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
the liver wants what the liver wants
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
