Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i came on her dog
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
