who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
