How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
