you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
