Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
