dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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