Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
