We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
