It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
